The Room In The White Court

    

I had a very strange dream last night. Dream that I never had in my entire life. Dream that made me realize about life, about relationships and about me as a person and who am I and what my purpose are in this world. Dream that made me believe that there is someone greater in this world and that someone lives in me. 

I was standing in front of a very unique building in a place where I don't know where.  The beauty of that building is incomparable. It's a four storey building, white in color. It was a very cold night that the only choice I have is to go inside that building It  seems that my feet were driven forward to enter that building. I saw the sign outside and it said: The White Court.

I was walk inside; I can only see mirrors and myself as a reflection. On the left side of it is an elevator. I move closer to the elevator as my curiosity drives me to go and check what's in that building. As the elevator opened, I can smell very unique incense, one of its kinds. Smell that brings me to solitude and calm. I went inside and then courageously press the button 1.  A bit of a second, the elevator opened and brought me to the first floor of the building. I check from left to right and can only see one door in front. The door has a sign saying: The Dark Room.

I opened the door and couldn't see anything. I tried to locate the switch but no to avail. As I walked closer inside the room, I saw a candle and a match. I lighted the candle and was amaze by what I see. On the left wall of the room are thousands of pictures, big and small, old and new. I went closer to check what pictures are those, and was surprised that the pictures in it are pictures of me; pictures of my past and my future. Pictures that I didn't know that was taken. They are pictures of me together with my family, of me and my friends and loved ones. Pictures that made me smile that were caught in action. Pictures of my family when we had dinner together every night. Pictures of me and my friends going out and had some fun. Really great pictures, one that I can keep for the rest of my life.

On the right side of the room is a wall covered by a black cloth. It's like a cloth that is sealed from the ceiling up to the floor. I was curious about what's in that wall. I ask if those are also happy pictures. I move closer and tried to remove the black cloth. As the cloth move down, I saw thousands of pictures. Different pictures. Big and Small. Old and New. I check each pictures and see pictures of me. In a different angle. In a different situation. But this time its pictures about me in a very bad light. Pictures of me taken out of my consent. Its a picture of me doing something really bad. Some are nasty and some are censored. I saw pictures of me the time I got to argue with my parents. Pictures that was taken when I was yelling at someone. Pictures of me while I was doing evil things. Pictures of me when the time I cheated someone. The time when I took something from someone. Pictures upon pictures that all I can say is that a shameful pictures. I tried my best to put the black cloth but to no avail. I tried to check if someone in the room that saw these pictures. I tried to figure out who put these pictures. I began to get scared and fear run into my veins. I turn the candle light off and then run away from that room. I locked it and wish that I didn't go inside. 

I went inside the elevator immediately pressing #2. It moved up so fast that I can't even notice that I'm already on the second floor. This time the place is kind of cool. It's a very futuristic in terms of how they design the lobby on the second floor. I can see high technology and high end gadgets on the wall. There is a big screen on the wall. While I was browsing the different gadgets in that floor, my eye caught the attention of the big maroon door at the end of the lobby. The sign on top of it says: The Speech Lab. I was excited to go inside and see what's in it. I slowly opened the door and to my surprise nobody is inside. I see a lot of chairs and at the middle is a stage with a microphone, a lecturn made of glass, and at the back is a while board. I was thinking maybe this is a conference room or something.

Suddenly a white light flash on my face  that my eyes can't stand anymore so I better close it.  When I opened both eyes, I was already standing on that stage with the microphone and the lectern. After a few seconds, the white light turns on again but this time it hit the white board at the back. I saw something on the board, something like someone is writing something. I walk closer to check what those words are. The worlds are familiar to me. I can still remember who said those words. Its like a script written for someone. I remember that I was the one who said those words. Words that I utter to the people I know. Beautiful words that I've said to the people I love. Words like thank you's, appreciation, words full of love and care, of encouragement and hope. Words of wisdom and words full of hope. Then suddenly, those words were wiped out. In just a blink of an eye those great words are gone. Erased. Then the light goes back again, this time the words on the white board turn to red. Words were written using a red ink, red like a crimson blood. The words are still familiar to me. These are the words that hurt the people I love. Words I've said that broke there heart. The same and exact lines I've said when I lied to my parents. Words that I used when I cheated someone, full of lies and deceit. Words with anger and malice, words of destruction. It reminded me of every words I said, words that makes me shiver in shame.

I'm shaking, angry to the one who wrote those words. I wanted to stop those writings on the white board but it keeps going like no end. Words upon words. I shouted "Stop!", as I can't take those words anymore. It hurts me reading those words. I didn't realize how I hurt the people I love with the words that comes from my mouth. I tried to erase the writings but to no avail. I cried and run away from that room. I am so ashamed of myself. I realized how bad I am. I continue running when I reach the elevator. I wanted to go out from that building but the elevator doesn't have a button to go down. It seems like what I've said and done can't be erased anymore. It's all recorded and everything is captured every actions and every words.

I don't have any choice but to go to the next floor. I don't feel like going to the next room thinking that something is waiting for me and will surprise me. While inside the elevator, I still can't believe that somebody is taking pictures of me and recorded every word that I utter. The elevator opens; a signal that I need to be brave and face everything with courage and determination that this is not real. This time the place is so different from the first two floors. I can see people walking. I can see people wearing white gowns with stethoscope on their neck. I then got some smile on my face knowing that I am not alone anymore. I can see doctors, nurses, patients coming in and out of the Surgery Room. Every single people I see that comes out from the surgery room are crying, if not they are lying on the emergency bed. I was wondering what's inside that room as every few minutes someone will come out but nobody comes in. Out of curiosity, I went inside. The light is deeming, but inside the room are three big cylindrical tubes with water in it.  Every tube had something inside floating freely. I draw myself closer to those tubes to see what are those things. On the first tube I can see its a human brain, the second tube was a heart and the third tube are two eyes. I closely check its part when writings at the bottom of the tube caught my attention. I read each writings at the bottom of the tube. Surprisingly, i had my name written on its tube. It means those are my parts. I got scared and trembled. Each tube has a black book on the side. I slowly opened it to check why my parts are on that tube when in fact I am still alive. I check the first tube where the eyes is on it. It said about what I can see from my eyes. Good and bad. It recorded how my eyes fail to see the beauty of the world. It recorded me not appreciating anything I see. It also wrote in the black book how I perceive things in my own way and not God's way. How I see people differently is also written in the book. Tears began to fall in my eyes, could not believe that I am reading something about how badly I'm using my eye.

I moved on to the next tube where my brain is, opened the black book and read. I first wipe my eye as it becomes blurry. I wanted to clearly see what written on the book. It recorded every detail about how I think. Things that I never and things that are only happening inside my head. It recorded how I hate manipulate people inside my mind. It also records how I love to kill someone in my mind. The book also mentioned about how I am so jealous of my siblings, how envy I am to my boss, how I wanted to choke a friend from hurting me. It recorded everything. I stop reading as I know it's said everything about what I think about people and about myself.

I moved on to the next tube where my heart is. This time, I feel exhausted and dehydrated. I don't want to read the book about my heart, but something inside of me wants me to read it. So i opened it. The very first page of the book said: Please do not read if you do not have a heart of stone. I have a heart of stone. I am strong and I can do this. I started reading, and reading and reading. Every page and every word on that page struck something in my heart. It says about how I love, how I appreciate things, how I am so blessed, how my heart feels when someone is happy. Everything. The very last page of that book shocked me. I thought that I have a good heart, but it mentioned about how cheated my heart. It mentioned about how I sold my heart to someone I really don't love. Its written in that book as well about how I hurt people, how I make them believe that I am true and honest to them. My heart is evil. My mind is evil. My eyes are evil. Everything in me is bad. Nothing is good. Nothing!

I understand why people coming out from this room crying and with a heavy heart. I run and run until I saw a stairs going to the fourth floor. I never used the elevator anymore. I run to the stairs and each steps reminded me about the pictures and the writings on the white board and how i think, see and feel people. I never realized I cause so much pain with what I have, my mind, body and soul. Until I reach the four floor. I saw the door with the letters: E-X-I-T.

I felt relieved and happy. I wanted to go out from this building as soon as possible. I wish I never go inside this building. I wish I didn't see that picture, that writings, the black book. I wanted to forget everything. I grab the door knob, but it's very hot like its burning. I can see that at the other side of that door is something that is hot. But i wanted to go out. I wanted to be free. I wanted this building to get burned instead so that nobody knows that this building keeps the very secret of my existence. I force myself to opened the door. I don't care if my hands get burned but I need to open this door. As the door opens, I can see fire and smell like burning sulfur. A big amount of flame touches my skin. I wanted to go out. I don't want to go to this door. I shouted but nobody can hear me. I can't run. I can't move. I keep on shouting for help but the door is shut. I asked for forgiveness for what I did, for what I have done. I said sorry to those people I love, to those people I hurt. I'M SORRY!

A hand of fire touches my face. It's burning my face. I close my eyes, like protecting it from the fire that eaten up my whole body. I don't see my flesh is burning, but I can feel the heat getting into my nerves. I then again opened my eyes, to my relief it's already 9AM and the raise of the sun touches my face so hot. I woke up, loosing my breath. Sweating. Shaking. Thanking its all just a dream. I run to the kitchen to get a glass of water to calm myself.

My dream gave me the best lessons I need as a person. Everything we did in the past is already done. We cannot change it anymore. Every words see let go, every actions we've done, every imagination, everything our hearts want and our eyes see whether good or bad already happened in the past. We cannot erase it. We cannot change it as its already captured in the past. The only and best thing that we can do is to do good, think good, feel good in everything that we do. Remember, whatever your actions are, whatever you think and feel will affect your future. So be mindful in everything that you do, making sure that it will bless others and not curse. Good luck readers!


(picture above is taken from: posie's place)