I've been dreaming that one day I'll settle down with the person I will consider as my lifetime partner. I was praying that someday, the right person will come. I've been searching for that right person but failure keeps hunting me. There are those who come along my way whom I thought are the right one but then in the end its not the one for me. I thought looking for that someone is the answer. I thought that waiting is the best way to find that lifetime partner but then again, I'm wrong. I should start by looking on the other side, by asking questions that give clear answers.
I began searching for answers about, Why love has to end? How to find a perfect partner? How will I know that this is the right person for me... and the question goes on and on...
Well, I was shuttered by the truth that I was asking the wrong questions. Maybe I should start asking this 4 questions for me to find a Lifetime partner. Maybe, you too, would like to ask this to yourselves. This questions might help you evaluate the prospect of long term succcess. We all know that when looking for a lifetime partner of the right person we dont want to make a mistake. We always make sure that the person that we have right now is the right and perfect for us. I've seen a lot of people in different walks of life wounded and broken because of a failed relationship, including me. It seems that many are making a serious mistake in their approach in finding Mr/Ms Right!
If you try to ask a couple together and what made them decide to get married or lived together, they will surely answer: "We're in love!". I think is the #1 biggest mistake people make in terms of finding the right one.
As what Rabbi Dov Heller said: "Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone)."
I think what he meant by that is, We can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone, we need a lot more. We need something more than love. When other ingredients are right, then love will come.
Now, lets move on to the question.. (pinapatagal pa eh noh!).
The questions below is also based on Rabbi Dov Heller's book, which I think worth sharing.
QUESTION # 1
Do we share a common life purpose?
Importante ba ito?
Let's just say, I am married for more than 25 years which is very long to live with someone. What are the things that you need to do together? Imagine 25 years of being together? (Yung 5 or 6 years nga nagkakasawaan pa, eh ang 25 years pa kaya?). Anyways, you can go and travel together, go out together, eat out and have fun together. In a relationship there are two things that can happen: You can grow together, or grow apart. To find a lifetime partner, YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE- bottom line- AND MARRY SOMEONE WHO WANTS THE SAME THING.
When I express my feelings and thought with this person, do I feel safe?
Feeling safe means you can openly communicate and talk with this person. The basis of it -- TRUST!
Trust that you wont be scared or afraid to get hurt when you express your feelings. Its trust when you can freely share your ideas and thought and not afraid that you will be punished ot tortured because if how you feel. In finding a life partner we should make sure that we are emotionally safe with this person.
Is he/she a refined and sensitive person??
To find this out is to ask another question: Is this person always striving to be good? Do they work on their personal growth? Is this person materialistic?
Those who are materialistic are the one whose top priority is not character refinement. These people are those who are dedicated in seeking comfort rather than personal growth. These people are those whose goal in life is to be comfortable in everything rather than doing the right thing.
Is there anything that I need to change about this person after we're married?
Most of us commit mistake in trying to "improve" or "change" the person. If we cannot fully accept this person for who they are then don't allow yourself to tie the knot or be together with this person.
Loving doesn't have to be difficult and trecherous. Love should be patience and kind, not jealous and free of pride.
The key: TRY TO LEAD A LITTLE MORE WITH YOUR HEAD AND LESS WITH YOUR HEART.
Lastly, falling in love is a great feeling,but when you wake up in the morning with a ring on your finger, or a you think Mr/Ms Right is beside you, you dont want to see yourself in trouble or get hurt and wounde because you didn't do your homework. It's better to be sure that we choose the right person rather than seeing ourselves broken into pieces that can never be whole again.