Overcoming Breakups

Ending a relationship is not always easy and for most people, nothing to celebrate about. Very often, people are faced with mixed feelings, including shock, anger, guilt, frustration, sadness, even fear. When there is nothing pleasant about boyfriend-girlfriend breakups, how do you protect yourself and avoid the trauma? Here are some ways that might help:

1. Accept the inevitability of change.

People change and this affects their relationships. Sometimes, when change occurs at different rates and directions, people grow apart and find no reason to stay in a relationship. When this happens, consider it as a part of a process.

2. Face the pain.

You will be better able to survive a breakup and avoid trauma if you can take the bad feelings, acknowledge them and accept them. Don’t try to close your mind through denial because no amount of wishing can change things magically. Don’t try to numb yourself using alcohol or drugs because other than the health risks, these offer only temporary relief.

3. Don’t blame yourself or the other person.

When the pain is too much, it’s much easier to handle if you could put the blame on someone. It’s all right to want to understand what caused your breakup but don’t over-analyze it - it will only drive you crazy.

4. Don’t try to play victim, either.

Trying to get other people’s sympathy or worse, trying to win your boyfriend or girlfriend back by playing on emotions will have a short term effect. If that person doesn’t want to have a relationship with you, then you shouldn’t have a relationship with them.

5. Keep your self-respect intact.

It’s normal to feel angry after a breakup, but don’t allow the hurt to get the better of you. Remember that you are a person who was created as a single entity with your very own talents and capabilities. Don’t waste your time on revenge or on lashing out. These acts may make you feel good but they will make you look bitter, craving for the attention from a person you no longer have.

6. Put a limit to your heartbreak.

Wallowing in self-pity will is probably excusable, but only up to a period. You can only mourn the loss of a relationship for so long. After that, you’ll have to get back to real life. Don’t nurture your pain after a breakup. It’s okay to feel depressed and mope, but don’t let this negative feeling get the better of you. Tell yourself that you will cry over the breakup for a while but when that time is over, you will move on with your life.