My life is in chaos. Its not that obvious but lately I feel that I've been running to and fro searching for something I don't know. Sometimes I feel so alone and like nobody cares for me at all (I hate this feeling actually). I know this is just a state of mind but sometimes I can't resist the intensity of it. However, I tend to not soak myself into it as its not helping me as a person. I know that I am strong and I can do all things through God who strengthens me.
I arrived home from work with a heavy heart. I really don't know why, but sometimes, I'm like this (yes! sometimes nag-eemote din ako).
Pagdating ko sa bahay, I immediately changed clothes and then rest for a while. Seated on the floor, staring at the open window, looking from a far. Yung tipong malayo ang tingin mo at malalim ang iniisip. Honestly, ang dami ko talagang iniisip. Ano nga ba iniisip ko sa mga oras na ito? Heto...
- I was thinking if the job that I have right now is what I really want to do for the rest of my life.
- What will I eat for breakfast? lunch? dinner? How about lunch at work (actually lunch ko sa work usually around 12AM or 1AM).
- Why single pa ako until now? Panget ba ako at walang nagkakagusto sa akin? Low maintenance naman ako o sadyang mataas lang ang standards ko... Nyahaha
- Kamusta na kaya ang family ko sa Davao? I miss them a lot.Miss din kaya nila ako?
- Kailan kaya ako makaalis ng Pilipinas papuntang Amerika? Kailan kaya matutupad ang American Dream ko?
- (While staring at the Salt Water Aquarium).. Pinagpapawisan kaya ang mga isda kapag pagod na sila kakalangoy? Nauuhaw din kaya sila? Meron kayang mga isda na may phobia sa tubig?
...blah.. blah.. blah...marami pang isa..
While seated on the floor I saw this old Rubik's cube on top of my bed. I was staring at it for a few minutes then grab and twist it many times trying to arrange the colors, analyze and solve the puzzle. However, every twist and turns make me more frustrated. I cannot really figure out how to put the colors on the same side. So I decided to stop and just stare at it again.
I realized that life is like a Rubik's cube. As you can see, its very colorful. Most of the time we feel that we're in the right place, we belong to a certain clique or we already find real love and happiness. But the truth is, were not. We continue searching for things that will satisfy our inner soul. Sometimes we meet people with different colors and we feel we are already connected and we belong in each others arms, but then again we fail because we're not the same in terms of color. So the search goes on and on...
Like life, we continue to live. We are never tired of searching for answers and we continue asking questions until we find the perfect color. The exact same shape and same color we fit in.
Like Rubik's cube that the user needs to twist and turn, move it up and down to check and see if we already have all the colors on one side, then if not, we twist and turn it again and again. In life, we will undergo different twist and turns but its good to know that when we face different turns God is always there for us, continue doing HIS promises until we find the true happiness.
Anyways, Ill go ahead and I'll try to solve this cube... Hopefully matapos ko to ngayong araw. Goodluck to me. Nakakawala ng stress pala ito.. See yah!!!